Helena Clayton Newsletter - View this email in your browser

Leadership Developer • Coach & Facilitator • Writer

Welcome to the August 2025 Newsletter

Hello and welcome to August. 

It's certainly been an interesting month for me since I was last here. For the last few months in fact.  What I'm currently describing as a 'brush with cancer' resulting in a hysterectomy on 7 July.  I'm recovering well and there's no ongoing treatment needed - for which I am deeply relieved and grateful.  I won't take up space here but but I've written about aspects of it as a sort of blog -  what it's been, some of what I learned and what's surprised me - and so you can pop here and read more, if you're interested.

It was also the month that the world lost two mighty women - the poet Andrea Gibson and the philosopher/activist Joanna Macy.  And a mighty man, Ozzy Osbourne.  

 I would have thought that spending a LOT of time in bed and having plenty of time to read (and just be ...) would have gotten me all fired up with creativity, like a holiday does for me sometimes.  Nope. Far from it  The small animals of my creative fires were dozy, little creatures who sometimes opened one eye to check I was ok, and then went back to sleep. Nevertheless, I'm delighted to be sharing some lovely stuff with you:

- a bit of a humbling about listening   
- an exploration of what it means to enter a time of descent, a time of initiation
- a podcast conversation with coach Clare Norman about how love shows up in her work
- an awesome example of social activism
- a longer than usual list of great reads
- and the value of being able to process difficult stuff with others

September seems ages away but it has us in its sights and has good things for us, I just know it.  In the meantime, remember the African saying that if you want to go fast go alone and if you want to far, go together. In the meantime, I'm off to find more blackberries - they're great this year. 


With love
Helena x

(pic: Michael Quellier)

As part of the scans in preparation for my hysterectomy, I also had scans for bone cancer.  All clear thankfully.  But I did spend 4 weeks trying to get my head around a possible life with bone cancer. 

That took me to some tricky places in my mind, as you might imagine.  But it also got me thinking about how might I allow myself to be 'deepened by diminishment' (that fabulous phrase from Stephen Jenkinson) which then took me to explore the 'descent' myths, particularly as they appear for women in the heroine's journey (as opposed to the more usual hero's journey).  Descent in this form really mostly means going through a dark and confusing time in your life.  

So this podcast episode from Coaches Rising with Suzanne Anderson was great, on the Persephone myth.  And Sharon Blackie has some good stuff in her Bone Cave series on Descent (you might have to pay for it - £30, I think)  on Persephone and also the Inanna myth.  These are descent myths with a feminine angle but there are heaps of equivalents through a masculine lens and this one with Michael Meade is a good place to start. 

But it was also a reminder of heat experiences or crucible experiences, events or experiences that are complex, uncomfortable, new for you, where you have a choice to retreat-or-grow and where there is fear of failure or of vulnerability. Where your identity and who you think you are is challenged.  That certainly described some of what I was going through and I found it helpful to frame my complete jumble of very difficult feelings in that broader context. 

(Heat experiences are often built in to leadership development programmes as a way to stretch and develop participants. I used to like the idea of that but these days we are part of a such a collective heat experience, such a collective time of initiation, a whole-system crucible (aka a global shitshow) where we are dealing with SO much that's novel, complex, ambiguous and scary that I think we have enough material to work with, without designing new ones).

(pic: Joao Incerti)

I did also learn, through my own crucible experience, that very few people could offer me 'good listening' in the lead up to the op, and going through bone cancer tests, when I was stressed and needing to be heard.  Where many different parts of me needed to be held and witnessed. 

I knew this on paper, of course - that people often struggle to listen without wanting to fix in some way, or make their responses all about them in an attempt to make a connection.  I knew this and I had experienced it plenty and I understand why that's often the case.  But I had never really been on the receiving end of it when it really mattered to me. 

Anyway, two things.  One is a humbling thing.  I realised that I probably do all of those things myself when I am listening (although, I deeply hope I don't!) and I forget all the good things I learned to do as a Samaritans Listener for many years. The other is that I read Kathryn Mannix's book Listen to remind me of how to do it well, which I heartily recommend to all listeners in this room. 

(pic: Olivia Mae Predergast)

Clare Norman is a coach and an ICF mentor coach and supervisor, and a pretty fine one too.  To her own surprise, a while ago she got interested in love in coaching and she's written a great series of blog posts about that which you can read via her website here.

But we also got together over a podcast episode to talk about how she got interested in love, what she thinks about the role love plays in coaching and, always important for me to explore, where might be the edges and boundaries.

We talk about how:
- love is a precondition for performance
- we might begin to bring love explicitly into our coaching work
- love is central to maintaining and restoring humanity in our organisations

You can listen to that HERE. Plus see below ...
 

(pic: MJ Scandin)

I'd love to know what you'd like to hear about ... 

I was delighted to be asked to host a podcast series exploring 'love in coaching' for the Association for Coaching, recording in Sept/Oct and released in early November. 

I'll be talking with Clare again, and also Aboodi Shabi, Amy Elizabeth Fox, Craig White, Marie Quigley and Ian Mitchell and so I think you can already see it's going to be super interesting.   

But what would YOU like to hear about in those conversations?   What are you curious about?  What would you like to ask us to reflect on and explore out loud?  Topics, questions, things you think never get discussed re love and coaching ...

Please send any and all ideas and suggestions, questions, curiosities and comments to me at helena@helenclayton.co.uk and we'll build them into our conversations.

Thank you :-)

The Love Lab is filling fast - a few more spaces still available  - details and booking below. 

If you're a man reading this and see the word 'love' and immediately want to skip on to the next bit, would you mind if I asked you to read the blurb first.  I know, from talking to many men that, because I use the word love, most men body swerve this workshop (and others).  They think it's not for them, that it's a space for women - with too much association with romance and sex and personal intimacy.  I do get that. And I get that love is a very loaded and entangled term for many men. 

I did, in fact, put this text into Claude AI and ask for suggestions to make it more appealing to men.  Claude told me I needed to include more ROI figures, put forward the business rationale for love, include more words like toolkit, proven frameworks and techniques - and set out the ways it would benefit career enhancement.  Men, what do you make of that?  

(Claude, I ...er, did none of those things, but thank you anyway.  I did edit it though and put in a bit more structure/more bullets points - that was really helpful, so thank you for those suggestions).

Anyway, here it is.  A workshop for all genders on Friday 28 Nov in central London...


 

(pic: Elke Trittell)

In July, there was a wonderful Acts of Love workshop where we focused on the work of Barbara Fredrickson and her research that showed love was a biological response when two people share a positive emotion.  It was a pretty special gathering.  

I have two more dates coming up with links to book here ... on 26 August in the afternoon 1500-1700 BST, and the one after that on 9 Oct, at the usual time of 0800-1000 BST. 

It would be lovely to see you.  I don't yet know what the themes will be. 

(pic: Elke Trittell)

I'm not great on podcasts (other than poetry podcasts and I can't get enough of those) and I might have worked out why.  Most conversations are way too waffly for my liking and I realise I like ones that get to the point, and where I learn new things and get introduced to new ways of seeing the world.

Misan Harriman - artist and photographer, social activist - is everywhere at the moment but this is the first time I've heard him speak.  And Krishnan Guru-Murthy is a pacey and pokey conversation partner, and I also like that.  

I especially like the way Harriman repeatedly says 'that just isn't normal;' at a time when we tend to avoid using that word for the moral judgement implicit in it.  He says we need that moral clarity in these times we're in - it helps us wake up to addressing all sorts of wrongs and injustice.  

Here's the episode. 


(pic: Catherine Hyde)

To Hold

So we’re dust. In the meantime, my wife and I
make the bed. Holding opposite edges of the sheet,
we raise it, billowing, then pull it tight,
measuring by eye as it falls into alignment
between us. We tug, fold, tuck. And if I’m lucky,
she’ll remember a recent dream and tell me.
One day we’ll lie down and not get up.
One day, all we guard will be surrendered.
Until then, we’ll go on learning to recognize
what we love, and what it takes
to tend what isn’t for our having.
So often, fear has led me
to abandon what I know I must relinquish
in time. But for the moment,
I’ll listen to her dream,
and she to mine, our mutual hearing calling
more and more detail into the light
of a joint and fragile keeping.


Li-Young Lee

(pic: Deb Bessman Funk) 

So a heap of mixed fiction:

The Coast Road, Alan Murrin - excellent if depressing picture of a slice of Irish life where the men don't come out well at all. My Sister, The Serial Killer, Oyinkan Braithwaite - sent to me by the same friend who sent me The Coast Road as recuperation reading and I was glad I wasn't put off by the title - really different. Mayflies, Andrew O'Hagan - excellent, was a BBC film too a few years ago if you want to dig that out. The Safekeep, Yael Van Der Wouden - lost me a bit in the middle then it really clicked back into place. David Nicholls's You Are Here - dominating the bestseller list, I think, and you could see why - lovely romance with great dialogue and a very witty female lead. The Voyage Home, Pat Barker - as ever, a reworking of ancient myth is great for a women's perspective. 

And a bit of non fiction in there too:

Listen, Kathryn Mannix - powerful and important guide to having tender conversations. Not usually a fan of the high-rolling, high-profile self help stuff from the US, I found Let Them from Mel Robbins a pretty good and very compassionate read with it's reminder to focus on taking responsibility for your side of things. And The Cancer Whisperer from Sophie Sabbage was a helpful, if challenging read - pretty provocative in many ways but very strong on finding your voice in the health system and being an active participant in your own care.

(I thought I'd be using this rest-and-recovery time to disappear into Netflix and was ready to buy an Apple TV subscription too.  But I've watched nothing - wanting only calm and quiet, it seems) 

A bit of a theme these last few weeks in my work - the need for people to come together and 'just' talk and be witnessed and heard.  It just can't be underestimated these days, I think. 

I finished a short piece of work with a University supporting them through a difficult period of restructure and change.  The Director brought me in to facilitate a series of Listening Circles where the leaders could come together and talk, unedited, about how they were feeling about what was happening, and consider ways to support and resource themselves and their teams, as well as what practical things they might do. No content, no slides or material - just a facilitated conversation.  So simple, but so useful and effective.

Then a second Listening Circle, this time a simply curated space for a team to come together to process their reactions and responses after a shocking critical incident in their organisation that went deep with immense ripples.  It was space also to consider what ongoing support, if any they might need. Some writing bursts for private exploration and reflection, some closed eye work, time in pairs, simple ritual to honour what had been lost, and what might grow in its place...

Gentle work that really matters. 

  
(pic: Jo Sweeting)
 

Please do forward this Newsletter on, if you know others who might appreciate it.  Otherwise, do let me have any feedback or reactions -  I love hearing from you.  You know where I am on LinkedIn, or connect via Email. Or call me of course. 

Helena x

helena@helenaclayton.co.uk
07771 358 881

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