Helena Clayton Newsletter - View this email in your browser

Leadership Developer • Coach & Facilitator • Writer

Welcome to the September 2024 Newsletter

August. Not much work got done. But what got done was heaps of time at and in the sea.  The water is now warm(er) but as I try for longer swims, I realise I need my wetsuit for them.  I did my first swims along the coast with a tow float with my clothes inside and then walked back.  Not far at all, but it did feel like a proper adventure. 

I don't know that I did August as well as I could. I planned to work part-time and I did.  But blocking out half days for walks or the beach and then working in the afternoon meant that I didn't ever really fully switch off.  I realise that I do need extended chunks of time to allow my brain to turn to much and float free of a 'To Do' list. I can experiment with that a bit more, I think - untethering and pushing off from the shore. 

I spent every Tuesday and Thursday mornings on Zoom - for a foundation training in end-of life care, exploring the role of a doula.  No, no immediate reason other than it's something I've been interested in for a while now - death, dying and endings, and for individuals but also from an organisational and wider systems perspective. 

And so as I start to (gently) think about soup and not salad, start closing the curtains at about 8pm, and as we creep into this next phase here's: 

• a bit more on the Living Well Dying Well training I've been doing
• a wonderful new podcast episode with Robin Shohet
• a couple of pieces on elderhood I wrote a few years ago ahead of some new exploration of that theme
• a reminder about The Love Lab (filling nicely) and upcoming Acts of Love for Tough Times sessions
• a hard hitting poem, plus some amazing reads

Keep holding on to what matters to you, and keep what you love close and I'll be back in October. 

With love
Helena x

'If you want to go fast, go alone; if you want to go far, go together'.

An African proverb.  And one that feels spot-on for these times.  The only way we can navigate through tricky times is if we hold hands and try to do it together.  Yet (and I definitely notice this in myself ...) it's all too easy to retreat into our own world, silo, bubble.  

• when I know the parts of me that want to pull away and separate myself, how do I stay in connection with them?
• what do I do about people who are very different to me - where can I find the love?
• when social media encourages me to disappear into my own separate world, how can I still allow my inner world to connect with that of another?
• how do we stay in love with the world while we watch some dark and difficult things happening?
• how can I keep softening and opening  - how do I keep my heart from hardening?

These are some of my questions that underpin the Love Lab.  You'll have your own versions, I imagine.

Bring them.

The Love Lab is a space where we can explore our questions together.  And together see if we can find ways to strengthen our relationships, create greater connection, find our love for each other.  If, as many people say, love is a practice, a muscle that can be strengthened, The Love Lab allows us some practice space. 

DETAILS HERE   

22 Nov, in London, in person. 

It will be great to have you there. Half of the places have already been taken up and so maybe one of the other places belongs to you?
 

I'm working with Robin Shohet and Joan Wilmot and CSTD as I develop my practice in Coaching Supervision.

I first came across Robin when we were both part of a 'Love Over Fear' coaching conference at Ashridge several years ago.  He spoke about love so easily, and one of his well known books is called Love in Supervision.  I knew I wanted to train with him and it took 2 years until I was able to create the space to do all the modules. 

So it would make sense that I'd want to talk more with him about love, and share some of that with you, and so we recorded a podcast episode. 

It starts with Robin telling me I'd asked the wrong question, moves into a look at how much fear runs through us and how things really change when we can dare to say what we're frightened of; and how if we focus on giving love we find we don't need to focus so much on being loved. Oh and football, plus something about Tesco shopping trolleys. 

You can LISTEN HERE. 

(art: Meredith Woolnough)
 

You will likely know I'm interested in endings, as well as dying and death.  In part for individual deaths and preparing myself to be helpful and useful for someone dying.  All the deaths I've experienced - and there have been several - have been sudden and I'm not so experienced or familiar with an expected death. And the foundation training with Living Well, Dying Well has been great in helping me learn about what to expect.  I imagine I'll go on to do the Diploma training next year, regardless of whether I ever see myself working as an end-of-life carer or doula. 

But more than that.  I'm also of the view that many of our social, political and environmental systems are dying.  Some of them fast and others very slowly. So what can I learn about 'how to live well, while also knowing we're dying' or 'what does palliative care look like when applied to an organisation?' that will help me support people and systems through some of the big changes and inevitable losses that will be experienced?

I don't know where this thread will lead me, but it feels really important. 

I don't think that it's just turning 60 that has me turning my attention back to elderhood and what it means for me and for us. It's on my mind again: what's my work in this phase of my life that is different to what it's been so far? What does the world need more of and what do I have that I can contribute? How and where can my age and experience be of value?

So here's one piece of writing, and a second one too, that I wrote a few years ago - included here to remind myself of what I said then and move me towards what I want to think about now - what IS elderhood, why might it matter now more than ever, what does it look like in practice and how might we cultivate it in ourselves and others.   More to come soon. 

What sustains us in tough times? How do we stay connected to love when things around us can feel unloving?

• Sept 12 between 8am -10am BST
• Tuesday 15 October between 4-6pm GMT
• Weds 11 Dec between 8-10am GMT

And I'd love this community to grow so, if you felt moved to, you could share this detail with other people by using the buttons below. 

Eve Speaks to Humanity

I didn’t raise you like this.
What is that on your fist?
Mud? It’s not mud.
Where have you been?
Where did you get all that gold?
You smell like someone else’s daughter.
You know what they say about you, don’t you?
What is that on your boots?
Don’t tell me it’s nothing.
Don’t.
Every once in a while, if you really wanted to, you could act your age.
I didn’t raise you like this.
I didn’t.
It’s blood, isn’t it?
Wait until your real father comes back.
Just wait.
You have no idea how much it hurts to believe in you.
It’s blood, isn’t it?
Don’t lie to me.
You wouldn’t.
I know you wouldn’t.
If you really loved me you would give me a moment’s peace.
One.
What’s that in your hand? What is that in your hand?
Look me in the eyes when I talk to you. Where is your brother? Your sisters? What are all those little shrouds there for?

Jospeh Fasano


(art: Yellena James)

I thought I'd have got through a lot more books in August.  It seems not

Orbital, from Samantha Harvey was a gem, beautiful, but I had to try hard to keep going with it.  I think in part because I needed to give it chunks of reading time, and not the fragmented attention that I seemed to have this month. The Heart in Winter from Kevin Barry - a new writer for me - was a cracking read.  He writes as poet, with added gripping storylines, so much so that I went straight into another one of his, Night Boat to Tangier, which was also superb. 

Though I don't think of myself at all as an activist, I do find it helpful to think 'as if' and see what I can see from that perspective.  So The Entangled Activist by Andrea Lawson was a good book to read after spending time with Hospicing Modernity, building on the theme of how can we try to effect change when we are so personally invested in and tangled up in the system we're trying to change.  I was also reading it with an Organisational Development lens and thinking about how it might apply to people trying to create change in organisations - organisations on which they depend for their livelihood.  Including me. I'm still in the middle of reading it - can only go slowly with this one. 

It's very unusual for me to have several full days of client delivery in August, and back-to-back, but I did do a road trip with three nights in three different hotels for some client delivery.  It was hard, shifting from holiday mode into work mode, but was good.  Otherwise, it looks like a proposal for some consultancy with a Housing Association (a colleague's client) has come good, and another proposal for some culture change work is winging its way to a potential new client this week.  Otherwise, in between many (many) trips to the sea, it's been a month of coaching and coach supervision - and what a joy that work is. 

(pic: the start of a favourite walk)

Do get in touch and let me know how you're finding these Newsletters, or if you'd like to see more info or anything I could include.   I love hearing from you.  You know where I am on LinkedIn, or connect via Email. Or call me of course, whichever suits.

Helena x

helena@helenaclayton.co.uk
07771 358 881

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